Monday, Jan. 27, 2003 - 10:09 a.m.

I feel so tired and sleepy. I never seem to get enough rest. Energy seems to be a fleeting commodity these days. I got my blood work back and it appears that my hormones are so far out of whack I don't know when or how they'll ever be normal again. I have so much bullshit in my life that I need to fix. I have to "weed the garden", so to speak. S and I seem to be on somewhat better terms. At least we can talk without getting all angry and upset. T and I are still trying to work through our big ole mess. It is hard. Somehow I'm surviving. I wonder if I should turn everything off and sit in the darkness of my mind sometimes. My very being screams at me to make the world go away at times. I get up thinking about how much I hate my job. I think about how much I wish I were already doing massage therapy. I think about how I just want some happiness in my life and someone to love and take care of only me...to be the most important person in their life. I am working towards these things but get impatient. Right now my life is at such a stand still. I feel like I'm in the army... I have to hurry up and wait...or maybe like a feuled up car spinning its tires. Enough with the analogies here. I'm making myself sick. Bottom line is, I want to move on in all areas of my life but I can't until some things happen. And I have to wait before I can be proactive with my goals. My divorce is the biggest thing of course. The cold weather certainly puts a damper on everything but perhaps things will look up once the weather breaks. I sure hope so.

::Last Five Notions::
Happy but Bored - Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2011
Stepdaughter1 - Tuesday, Mar. 15, 2011
frack - Thursday, Dec. 23, 2010
t-day2b - Wednesday, Nov. 24, 2010
fraking fraked up - Sunday, Nov. 14, 2010

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