Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2005 - 8:42 p.m.

Today I had my first reflexology class. It was awesome, but something brought up lots of grief and despair. It was about 3:45-4:00 and I suddenly had a wailing of grief and loss come up inside me. My first thought, was that it was mom. I worried and worried. Laying there on the table thinking what if she wasn't ok. Someone had mentioned something about "not hearing a heart beat" that set me off, worrying about her. So I was almost having a panic attack. But I jumped up off the table and ran to get my phone from the car to call... and she was fine. Still, though... I could NOT shake the feeling. I left, went by the store, and felt like I was being torn apart. From where this energy came I had NO idea. Since my family was fine, I called David to make sure he was too. He was fine. Walking through the store I felt scattered, uneven, anxious, worried, and had overwhelming grief. Then I thought of the recent trauma New Orleans has suffered, and thought maybe I was experiencing the collective consciousness of despair that all the other souls in that area are feeling - the cries for help and the anxt of agony. So I breathed, and released it back out into the Universe. I am ok now, but felt compelled to write here since I haven't in a while.

I recently bought a book call "Conversations with God" by Neal Donald Walsh. Along with "The Book of Secrets" by Deepak Chopra (one of my fave authors). They have been profound, nay, LIFE CHANGING books. I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend them to anyone wanting to entertain a philisophical question of ANY sort or proportion. Also, I've been watching "What the Bleep Do We Know" numerous times over the past few days. ALSO PROFOUND. If you do nothing else over the next 48 hours (or lifetime, for that matter), go out and rent, check out or buy these precious bits of information. THEY WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

It is changing mine.

It is changing US.

It is making Me re-member "I AM".

If You do not Go WITH-IN

YOU GO WITH-OUT.

A reason I'm happy today? *** Magic Potions***

I'm "hanging out in bliss" because LOVE is a MANY splendored thing.

MANY.

Oh. And T just wrote me today. I don't know how or if I should respond. I have to meditate and breathe.

BREATHE. JUST BREATHE.

With that thought, I give my snaps to Anna Nalick for her wonderful song, "2 AM", and dedicate it to my homegirls Lyndsay, Rika and Leslie:

2 Am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season.
Yea we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites you're all here for the very same reason.

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button girl
So just cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for while
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him but maybe I'll just sing about it

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button boys so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breath just breathe

*There's a light at the end of this tunnel you shout cause you're just as far IN as you'll ever be OUT
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around*

2Am and I'm still awake writing this song
If i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my *DIARY* screamin' out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand...yeah breath
Just breathe, ohho breathe

*SIGH*BREATHE*NONJUDGMENT

ALLONE

AT-ONE-MENT

* ALLWAYS

::Last Five Notions::
Happy but Bored - Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2011
Stepdaughter1 - Tuesday, Mar. 15, 2011
frack - Thursday, Dec. 23, 2010
t-day2b - Wednesday, Nov. 24, 2010
fraking fraked up - Sunday, Nov. 14, 2010

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