Sunday, Oct. 26, 2003 - 7:59 p.m.

Um... some water, please?

Once again I find myself seeing my life in a completely different way today then I did yesterday... or a mere 28 hours ago. Thomas came and spent the night with me. I have so many questions. My heart bursts with both fear and deep love at the same time. I need direction.

I love him.

But does he really love me enough to put forth the effort it takes to make a relationship work? Are we really in the same place we were before all this happened? Or, are we in a renewed place with a chance for a fresh start together. If so, what kind of start? As friends? As lovers? Where do we go from here.

I have no answers. All I know is when I'm with him (esp. romantically) I feel ecstacy and fulfillment...perhaps true happiness. When I am not with him in that way it is painful, crude, unusual and unnatural...although I still feel a connection with him.

Meaning??

I laugh with him and cry with him.

And what would my friends say. "You're crazy. After what he did to you and what he said about you, why would you even give him the time of day? (or night for that matter)."

Perhaps.

But if they are truly my friends they'll know my happiness is more important. As it has been said, "Love ain't worth more than a gnat when you're talking about love." And that is the truth. What I ought to do or should do doesn't matter when love is involved. Love will make you do crazy things. But isn't that what we all crave as human beings and creatures of the heart?

I am a big believer in following your heart. Instincts are never wrong in my experience. I just need to know how my heart should proceed in this matter so I may protect my sanity. It seems we have a big decision to make... hopefully together.

Alas, we shall see.

::Last Five Notions::
Happy but Bored - Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2011
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