Friday, Dec. 06, 2002 - 10:39 a.m.

As hard as it is for me to suck things up... sometimes I just can't do it. I have learned, through several tragedies in my life, to suck things up and choke down tears. I pride myself on that at times. However, sometimes I'm not quite that strong and when I'm under too much stress I buckle. I have no choice but to feel the painful hurt and heartache. A lump gets in my throat and I feel as if I will die. Sometimes I want to die. It would be easier. But alas, I know that is not the answer to my problems. I feel so tired today. You know that feeling you get when your eyes are swollen and puffy from crying so hard? Yeah... you just feel bad all over kind of like the flu. My tummy hurts today which doesn't help anything either. I need to sleep today but unfortunately I have to *work*.

I just realized that I haven't checked my mail since mid-October. Hmmm. I guess I should do that today. There may be bills that are past due. Ya think?

Do you ever feel like you've have been hurt so much that you are numb and don't really care about what you do? I feel that way a good part of the time and I know from here it might only get worse for a while. I just don't care about what happens to me sometimes. I don't feel safe or loved so what does it matter? I feel betrayed. I guess I shouldn't. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I will figure it out I hope.

::Last Five Notions::
Happy but Bored - Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2011
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t-day2b - Wednesday, Nov. 24, 2010
fraking fraked up - Sunday, Nov. 14, 2010

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