Wednesday, Feb. 05, 2003 - 11:31 a.m.

Happy Birthday to MEEEEE!!!

Well I suppose I'm the ripe old age of 26 today. Yay me. I'm kind of disappointed not to be 25 anymore. It seems like such a magic number.

I've had the flu since last Thursday. I spent the weekend in bed along with a steady diet of drugs and soup. I'm feeling somewhat better now although I have a nasty lingering cough that keeps me away every hour on the hour. I've gone through almost 2 bottles of Robitussin. Geez.

I want to meet new people. Is there something wrong with that? I feel sometimes that I have no room for jealous people in my life. All it does is make me feel like a bad person for wanting to live like every other normal person does. It makes me feel like living my life normally is going to hurt someone else. That is in no way healthy. I just wish for once to have my freedom. And now if I try to be normal in life like everyone else who is single, I pay the price of his abusing anger and frustrations. I get the brunt of it. His love is withdrawn from me. I am suddenly an evil person for wanting what is natural. He isn't willing to give me a committment or even something tangible or lasting, but yet he expects me to give those things to him. I hate what my life is becoming. If I do what he wants I will end up resenting him deeply. If I do what I want I will hurt him and he will hate me. I just don't know what to do. I guess it will take time and compromise. I love him and need him. The last thing I want is to hurt him or to be hurt. I can't deal with his anger and I can't deal with things changing between us right now - so I guess I'll figure something out.

Happiness is all I want. Where do I find it? Anyone know?

::Last Five Notions::
Happy but Bored - Wednesday, Apr. 20, 2011
Stepdaughter1 - Tuesday, Mar. 15, 2011
frack - Thursday, Dec. 23, 2010
t-day2b - Wednesday, Nov. 24, 2010
fraking fraked up - Sunday, Nov. 14, 2010

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